The Discordian Holy-day that celebrates Winter Solstice in typical Discordian fashion by celebrating it not on the solstice itself, but on December 23 [12-23: 12 + 23 = 35 = 7×5, also the lunar month in some unknown number of years, thanks to Eris-made uncertainties, and of course that wonderful number 23] and December 25 [12-25: 25 = 5², of course, and julian day 358 in non-St. Tibbs' Day years, which has a hidden 23 (5 - 3 = 2, 8 - 5 = 3)], and therefore also on December 24 in St. Tibbs' Day years. In which case, we might as well celebrate Erismas as a 5 day holy-day, beginning on Dec. 21 and going through Dec. 25.
The reason we hold Erismas has mainly to do with the fact that the Party of the Original Snub was, in fact, a winter solstice party, although the Greeks don't mention this. And, in proper Greek tradition, Bacchus insisted it be a five-day affair (he dug the Law of Fives, primarily so he could insist upon 5 day parties; again, the Greeks, square, unhip, and unsavvy to the Law of Fives, don't mention all this). Eris, true to form, actually performed 5 tricks, one each day:
A Golden Ass (that later showed up in Hebrew lore and got mistranslated as a Calf - which is a load of Bull) labeled "For the drunkest one", rousing a hearty round of beer pong, throwing the party into considerably more tumult than expected and glog and nog were spilled everywhere all over Hera's new carpet. Bacchus, surprisingly, lost the Ass to Hephaestus, God of Fire. Hephaestus, in celebration, taught some mortals in presence how to make fire, paving the way for civilization and its antithesis, weaponry. The gods blamed Prometheus, being an Inferior Being (a titan), and punished him accordingly, thus paving the way for the Justice System, which is the illusion of Civilization enforced with Weaponry. It is thus that we celebrate the night of Winter Solstice with Glog and Nog around a bonfire and make asses of ourselves, and hope never to encounter the Justice System.
Spiking the mead with Goldschlager (or oil made from the essence of Acapulco Gold - accounts vary), rousing a night of ponderance and drunken (or stoned) philosophising, whereupon the gods came up with all the Great Philosophies, which were repeated by a few mortals in attendance, and thence varied endlessly, creating much existential confusion throughout the ages. It is thus that we do likewise.
On the third day of the party, the gods were quite hungover, and began the day drinking coffee and eating eggs. It was then that Our Lady of Discord did switch the gods' usual Folgers' crystals with Hawaiian Gold kona coffee - the gods did then imbibe much more caffeine than expected, but were largely pleased with the unexpectedly high quality of the coffee. It was thus that they decided not to destroy all mortals in a surly, hungover whim, giving us the opportunity to commit the whole range of horrible acts we have thence committed. It is thus that on the third day of Erismas we drink high quality coffee and thank the gods for not destroying us, so we can do so ourselves.
By the fourth day the gods were savvy that something was amiss, and did suspect Eris of trickery. So, she played a prank on their paranoia with Golden Silence, doing nothing in Erisian-Zen fashion. The gods spent the whole day arguing over what trick would be played, and were busy looking around corners and jumping at shadows. It is thus that we spend the day laughing at ourselves and others when we become dependent on arbitrary patterns, trapped in aneristic illusions, and unable to laugh at ourselves and others when the world proves itself unpredictable.
The fifth day she tossed in the Golden Apple we all know about, so I won't repeat it here. Since it started the Trojan War, we celebrate by having lots of sex wearing Trojan condoms, or in some other fashion as you so choose. You may also just eat hot dogs, which, if you like, can also be a euphemism for oral sex. Generally, though, Erismas is celebrated by eating and drinking with friends and family, and perhaps exchanging modest gifts, although this is somewhat discouraged to avoid Erismas becoming too commercialized.
(14:11:08) Xenoff: Do you believe that?
